Hey Rookie, Tell Me How You Really Feel

Posing for pictures — it’s an art, really. Models have a tougher life than meets the eye. Do you know how hard it is to be extremely attractive and photogenic? Me either, but I’ll clue you in if I ever find out.

A few weeks ago, as they do every year, a handful of rookies gathered in Pasadena, California, for the NFLPA Rookie Premiere, and now know what they will look like in their uniforms next season as the Patriots make their way to another Super Bowl victory. (If I say this enough times, I’ll jinx it, right?) Photographer Ben Liebenberg took a bunch of great pictures of the guys suited up in their new work attire, and as we all know, a picture is worth a thousand words.

This blog didn’t quite reach that length, because my brain is fried from searching for new jobs (Yes, I am still a boring accountant — please reserve your judgments), but I was still able to give some great insight about what the guys were actually thinking about when these photos were taken. In addition to number-crunching and writing Pulitzer-caliber blogs, I am also expertly skilled in the art of mind-reading. Crazy that I’m single, I know.


Kyler Murray, QB, Arizona Cardinals

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“I requested maximum smoke in this pic so that you can’t tell where my feet are.”


Dwayne Haskins, QB, Washington Redskins

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“Second quarterback off the board? So funny I forgot to laugh. Ha. Ha.”


A.J. Brown, WR, Tennessee Titans

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“These glasses have x-ray vision so that I’ll know if Mariota is lying to me the first time he says he’s injured next season.”


Terry McLaurin, WR, Washington Redskins

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“Those who say it’s about the name on the front of the jersey didn’t have to play for the Redskins.”


Daniel Jones, QB, New York Giants

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“Have you ever seen someone so ready to hand this ball off to Saquon in your entire life?”


Darrell Henderson, RB, Los Angeles Rams

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“My arm says ‘blessed,’ but if you could see my face it’d say ‘how am I supposed to get playing time behind Todd Gurley?'”


Miles Sanders, RB, Philadelphia Eagles

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“If I get close enough to the ground I can pinpoint the exact blades of grass under which we’re going to bury the rest of the NFC East this year.”


Josh Jacobs, RB, Oakland Raiders

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“Did Marshawn Lynch seriously just say he might come out of retirement again?”


Tony Pollard, RB, Dallas Cowboys

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“Zeke bruh I ain’t wearing no matching crop top with you.”


Miles Boykin, WR, Baltimore Ravens

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“Taking a gooood look at this thing before the season comes and we don’t throw the ball.”


D.K. Metcalf, WR, Seattle Seahawks

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“I was told this was a shirtless photo op. Whoever lied is dead to me.”


Benny Snell Jr., RB, Pittsburgh Steelers

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“It’s SNELL not BELL.”


Noah Fant, TE, Denver Broncos

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“Maybe if I puff my chest out and wear #87 then people will think I’m as hot as Eric Decker.”


Irv Smith Jr., TE, Minnesota Vikings

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“Just remembered Kirk Cousins is my quarterback. Consider me the early leader in the #TumbleForTua movement.”


JJ Arcega-Whiteside, WR, Philadelphia Eagles

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“Why’s everyone trying to give me a nickname? JJ is already a nickname. Figure it out.”


Nick Bosa, DE, San Francisco 49ers

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“Tip-toeing my way around my social media history like…”


Parris Campbell, WR, Indianapolis Colts

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“Shit, just remembered I didn’t read the chapter for this week’s Andrew Luck Book Club meeting.”


Andy Isabella, WR, Arizona Cardinals

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“If I stretch my arms out like this does it look like I’m bigger than Kyler?”


Ryan Finley, QB, Cincinnati Bengals

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“I have to beat out Andy Dalton if I want the starting job? I thought they said the NFL would be harder than college.”


Jarrett Stidham, QB, New England Patriots


“Brady made me sign an NDA about the PSI of this ball.”


Bryce Love, RB, Washington Redskins

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“This running back room has how many guys in it?”


Darius Slayton, WR, New York Giants

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“…Eli Manning and Daniel Jones? Should’ve stayed for another year of those Auburn sorority girls. I’d rather have one of them throw me the ball too.”


Damien Harris, RB, New England Patriots


“Mr. Kraft said training camp is in Jupiter this year!!”


Diontae Johnson, WR, Pittsburgh Steelers


“If someone asks me about how AB’s dirty locker smells one more time…”


Mecole Hardman, WR, Kansas City Chiefs

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“How am I supposed to know if Mahomes is throwing it to me if his eyes are closed?”


Drew Lock, QB, Denver Broncos

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“Did someone say ‘elite?'”


Riley Ridley, WR, Chicago Bears

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“So my brother got to stay down south and I have to freeze my ass off up here?”

Easton Stick, QB, Los Angeles Chargers

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“Have you guys ever been in Philip’s $200,000 mobile film room? He said I can sit in it for five minutes if I babysit for him. Sweet deal right?!”


Devin Singletary, RB, Buffalo Bills

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“I’m so happy LeSean McCoy spoiled Avengers and made me instantly loved by Buffalo.”


N’Keal Harry, WR, New England Patriots

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“I think I’m just gonna keep #1 as my official number. That a problem? Great, glad you see it my way.”


Hunter Renfrow, WR, Oakland Raiders

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“This helmet does a superb job of hiding my hairline… no one will ever know I enrolled at Clemson with their grandparents.”