Last night in Nashville, the first round of the NFL Draft was everything I wanted and more. The trades, the reaches, the tears. It was a perfect reminder of why it will always be the best three days of the year (well, until we get to September). I can’t wait to see how totally wrong all of our snap judgments were in a few years!

While I’m no draft expert, I still wanted to hand out some awards to commemorate last night’s festivities. And while I also don’t want to encourage the “participation trophy” era, technically, it would not be right to hand out awards for players and decisions that have yet to prove their worth on a single down in the NFL. Thus, I have conjured up a perfectly crafted award for each player selected last night, no matter how angry his team’s fans were as the poor kid just trying to enjoy the best night of his life.

 

SupCaroline’s 2019 First Round NFL Draft Awards

The “This Pick Required Zero Brain Cells” Award

1. Arizona Cardinals – Kyler Murray, QB, Oklahoma

 

The “Most Successfully Deleted Tweets” Award

2. San Francisco 49ers – Nick Bosa, DE, Ohio State

 

The “Most Likely to Actually be 13 Years Old” Award

3. New York Jets – Quinnen Williams, DT, Alabama

 

The “Classic Raider Reach” Award

4. Oakland Raiders – Clelin Ferrell, DE, Clemson

 

The “I Got Horses in the Back of This Draft Set” Award

5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Devin White, LB, LSU

 

The “I Really Hope This Poor Kid Actually Has a Good Career” Award

6. New York Giants – Daniel Jones, QB, Duke

 

The “Cutest Player-Child Duo” Award

7. Jacksonville Jaguars – Josh Allen, EDGE, Kentucky

 

The “Least Surprising College” Award

8. Detroit Lions – T.J. Hockenson, TE, Iowa

 

The “Quickest to Acquire Team Spirit” Award

9. Buffalo Bills – Ed Oliver, DT, Houston

 

The “New Levels of Outrageous Draft Night Attire” Award

10. Pittsburgh Steelers – Devin Bush, LB, Michigan

 

The “Best-Matched Beard to New Team Colors” Award

11. Cincinnati Bengals – Jonah Williams, OT, Alabama

 

The “Wonderlic Score Almost Matched My Draft Position” Award

12. Green Bay Packers – Rashan Gary, DE, Michigan

 

The “Almost Did Us All a Favor” Award

13. Miami Dolphins – Christian Wilkins, DT, Clemson

 

The “I Want to Put This Family in my Pocket” Award

14. Atlanta Falcons – Chris Lindstrom, G, Boston College

 

The “Most Likely to Throw for 400 Yards & 5 Touchdowns a Game vs. The Giants Twice a Year for the Next Fifteen Years” Award

15. Washington Redskins – Dwayne Haskins, QB, Ohio State

 

The “Most Electric Hype Man” Award

16. Carolina Panthers – Brian Burns, EDGE, FSU

 

The “Player The Fans Might Cheer To Knock Out Their New QB in Rookie Mini Camp” Award

17. New York Giants – Dexter Lawrence, DT, Clemson

 

The “Most Center Name of All Time” Award

18. Minnesota Vikings – Garrett Bradbury, C, NC State

 

The “Just What The Hometown Crowd Wanted to See!” Award

19. Tennessee Titans – Jeffery Simmons, DT, Miss. St.

 

The “No Tight End Will Want To Play Anywhere But Iowa Now” Award

20. Denver Broncos – Noah Fant, TE, Iowa

 

The “Best Possible Safety Name to Replace ‘Ha Ha Clinton-Dix'” Award

21. Green Bay Packers – Darnell Savage, S, Maryland

 

The “Thank God Philadelphia Sports Didn’t Draft Another High Pick from the University of Washington” Award

22. Philadelphia Eagles – Andre Dillard, OT, Washington State

 

The “Second Alabama School to Go First Round” Award

23. Houston Texans – Tytus Howard, OT, Alabama State

 

The “Who’s Cutting Onions?” Award

24. Oakland Raiders – Josh Jacobs, RB, Alabama

 

The “A Year Too Late for Flacco’s Long Pass Interference Throws” Award

25. Baltimore Ravens – Marquise “Hollywood” Brown, WR, Oklahoma

 

The “Wait Did Dan Snyder Actually Have Another Good Pick” Award

26. Washington Redskins – Montez Sweat, DE, Miss. St.

 

The “Best Coach Call” Award

27. Oakland Raiders – Johnathan Abram, S, Miss. St.

 

The “Probably Too Cool For the NFL” Award

28. Los Angeles Chargers – Jerry Tillery, DT, Notre Dame

 

The “Of Course the Seahawks Picked a Player Most Didn’t Project in Round One” Award

29. Seattle Seahawks – L.J. Collier, DE, TCU

 

The “Overcame His Shoes to be Selected Night One” Award

30. New York Giants – Deandre Baker, CB, Georgia

 

 

The “No Idea Who This Guy is But I Love Him Now” Award

31. Atlanta Falcons – Kaleb McGary, T, Washington

 

The “You’re No Gronk But You’ll Do” Award

32. New England Patriots – N’Keal Harry, WR, Arizona State